Tuning out TV violence from your children
contributed by Asian-Family Living
Consider this: According to the National Television Violence
Study, 71% of violent scenes on television contain no criticism, penalty, or display
of remorse for the violence at the time that it occurs. 'The problem is that if
a negative consequence isn't shown right away, the message to young children is
that violence is acceptable,' explains a professor of communication at the University
of California at Santa Barbara.
Children under 7 are most at risk because they have trouble distinguishing between
reality and fantasy. That's when kids are forming their beliefs about aggression.
A study at Pennsylvania State University found that preschoolers who watched violent
programmes were more likely to hit their playmates, argue, disobey rules, and leave
tasks unfinished.
If you start managing TV from young, then it isn't a problem and kids will eventually
learn to manage it by themselves. Most of the time spent in front of the idiot box
is time that is not spent in creative, challenging or interactive activities. One
of the most important things to teach your children is to watch television programmes,
not TV, and that means no channel surfing.
So how can parents determine what is worthwhile watching and gradually tune out
violence from their children's lives? Here are some helpful tips:
Set a limit on TV time
The earlier you start, the easier it will be to teach your children that TV, like
candy, should be enjoyed in small amounts. Child experts generally recommend one
to two hours per day of quality programming for kids aged 2 to 17. You can let your
children watch a particular show at a specific time, like Bob the Builder at 9:30
a.m. on Fridays or The Big Garage at 7p.m. on Thursdays. Every month or so, try
a 'television diet' day without any television at all, and use the extra time for
special family activities.
These subtypes take into account that some children with AD / HD have little or
no trouble sitting still or inhibiting behavior, but may be predominantly inattentive
and, as a result, have great difficulty getting or staying focused on a task or
activity. Others with AD / HD may be able to pay attention to a task but lose focus
because they may be predominantly hyperactive-impulsive and, thus, have trouble
controlling impulse and activity. Majority, however, will have significant symptoms
of all three characteristics.
Draw your children away from the TV
Think up a list (with your children) of activities they would like
to do (sports, hobbies, games) instead of watching TV. Use colourful markers, paste
cutouts from magazines and add some stickers. Then stick this 'lively' list in a
prominent place, such as on the fridge, so you and your children can refer to it
often. Make an effort to spend time with your children on an activity that they
choose, like reading, coloring, playing a game, or telling you about their day.
Get down on the floor with them, and give them all of your attention. Kids won't
be as satisfied if you are distracted or focused on something else
Making TV a treat
Watching TV should not be a routine or a right for children. Make it seem like a
special treat. It's a good idea to make sure that it comes only after homework,
chores, other kinds of play and family time. You can also pick one night a week
when your family 'goes to the movies' in your home. Make a special announcement
and prepare 'movie food' such as popcorn and cookies. If your child is older, you
can practice the idea that TV a privilege. Make rules that your child must finish
homework before watching TV.
Keep TV in the family room
Television has no business being in a child's bedroom. A more appropriate place
for a TV set is the family room. If there is a TV in your children's room, you should
consider taking it out. Otherwise you won't have a clue what they are watching.
According to a survey, two thirds of children aged 8 and older have a TV in their
bedrooms. Some children watch it past their bedtime and often wake up in the middle
of the night to watch some more. Many children turn into little insomniacs because
they can't resist the temptation to watch their late night favourite programme.
Parents are getting tired of battling in the morning to get them ready for school.
Parents should let children do their homework in an area where they can observe
them. A child's bedroom should be for sleeping, not for living. If your child has
practically started living in his or her bedroom, get him or her out into the living
room. It can be a most helpful step in building strong family relationships and
facilitating communication between you and your child.
Turn the TV off when it's time to eat or sleep
Most families today eat and interact with the TV. Never, never,
never switch the television on during family meals. That is your most precious time
to share the day's experiences, challenges, and thoughts, and to let children know
how important they are to you. Mealtime should remain a special time when a family
can interact with each other. Experts also advise against letting kids watch TV
right before bedtime. There could be a possibility where the child has reactions
that often include trouble falling asleep, nightmares, and not wanting to sleep
alone because they had been frightened by something on TV.
Tune in to your children's reactions
Experts advise parents to not only watch TV with their children but also to watch
their children watching TV. That way, you can tell if your children are frightened
or disturbed by something they have seen. Also, encourage them to talk about what
they have seen -and really listen to what they have to say. Parents shouldn't assume
that kids interpret what they see the way adults do. Tune into their feelings. Reflect
the feelings and the situation. You can acknowledge their fear by saying something
like, 'You feel scared when you see many people getting hurt in the war'. If they
appear unaffected, you could ask tentatively, 'I'm wondering if you feel sad so
many people were hurt?' It is also helpful to acknowledge your feelings. 'I was
terrified when I heard about the war, because many children will be hurt.'
Voice your values
Share your comments and thoughts while watching TV. You can point out that although
the character has not been hurt or killed, real-life violence results in pain or
loss. This shows that you disapprove of the violent behaviour and explain to your
child that violence is not the best way to resolve a problem and that your family's
values do not condone it. Look for examples of how people treat each other. Be sensitive
to examples of cultural diversity, spiritual values, and political behaviour. Often,
a few well-timed comments about your family beliefs or values can be more effective
than a month of lectures. You can also talk about the difference between real life
and make-believe. Be sure to point out that in real life, solving problems generally
takes much longer than 30 minutes and should always be done in a peaceful manner.
Explore other forms of multimedia
Rather than watching TV, pop in a video, VCD or DVD. If your children enjoy music
and dance, turn on the stereo. And take advantage of the computer. Instead of sitting
in front of the tube all day long, why not play some fun and educational CD-ROMs
with your children? Parents of preschoolers can take this opportunity to learn and
enjoy quality educational games together. Older children can also begin exploring
online children's sections with their parents. This type of exposure with young
children is a great way for parents to get involved with new media. Even though
children learn intuitively and quickly, at this age they still depend on parents
for reading and interpreting directions. This makes sharing a computer an enjoyable
and a valuable family time experience.
Set a good example
As good role models, you should try not to turn on the TV automatically
when you're at home. You will give the idea that the TV is an important part of
your life. Don't let the kids see you starring blankly into the television, aimlessly
clicking the remote. Don't tell them to shut up so you can watch some sitcom. Instead,
let them see you reading, and enjoying what you read. Parents can think of the TV
as a stranger in their homes. Now would you consider letting a stranger teach your
children what's good and bad or what's right and wrong?
This article is contributed by Asian-Family Living, a non-profit social enterprise
set up with the purpose of producing and netcasting live and recorded community
radio talk-shows on the internet. For more information, please visit our website
at www.asian-family.com.
The information provided above is offered as a community service on family related
issues and is not a substitute for individual consultation. Advice on individual
problems should be obtained from your personal physician, counselor or doctor.