Coping with misbehaviour
by Francis Xavior M Dimalanta
Using effective techniques in response to misbehavior benefits both parent and child.
The child learns to take responsibility for his own behavior and the parent keeps
a warm relationship with him. Each method discussed here asks, How can I help this
child find a positive way of behaving without reinforcing the negative behavior?
Effective discipline methods help children learn and grow in harmony with one another.
Choose the technique that best suits you and your child. What is effective for some
parents and children may not be effective for others. Keep in mind that if you want
children to change, you must also be willing to change. The following questions
help you to check your discipline approach.
1. Am I making it easy for my child to behave well?
2. Do I provide interesting play things?
3. Are my rules reasonable? Am I consistent in enforcing them?
4. Do I use more Do's than Don'ts?
5. Do I let the child make choices?
6. Are the choices I can live with?
Techniques in Responding to Misbehaviour
Here are some suggestions for preventing behavior problems. Try them and see if
they work for you. Give each suggestion a two-week trial period. It may take that
long to see results. Try only one new technique at a time.
1. Childproof Your Home
Changing the setting will prevent trouble before it starts. Look around your house
to see what is causing misbehavior. After all, the house is as much the child's
home as it is the parents'. For infants and toddlers, changing the setting means
childproofing the home. Put anything that is breakable, valuable, or dangerous out
of reach. For preschoolers, changing the setting means making it easy for the child,
such as giving him his own place to keep his toys, interesting things to play with,
and safe places to play.
2. Preoccupy With Play
Boredom is one of the leading causes of misbehavior. Children involved in play don't
have the time or the need to whine, to ask, What can I do now? or to annoy baby
brother. Playthings need not be expensive. Often babies would rather play with pots
and pans than with an expensive store-bought toy.
3. Learn Like a Child
Practice to think like a child. Children are born with a lot of courage to try and
do things they see adults doing. They watch us and copy us. Enjoy not having to
pass judgment on the work of children during the times when they are learning.
4. Provide reasonable rules
Children need rules. They feel secure when they know what is expected of them. Rules
need to be carefully thought out, however, not made up on the spur of the moment
when mother or father has run out of patience or has a headache. What rules have
you issued this past week? List them.
If you can't remember them, don't expect your child too. Reasons for the rules should
be explained to the child. Show him that they make sense. He will be more likely
to observe the rules if he understands the reasons for them.
5. Use Do's Instead of Don't's
Instead of saying No, Don't, and Stop that! over and over, tell the child exactly
what it is you want him to do. For example, instead of yelling at the child to keep
his feet off the chair, tell him Chairs are not for feet. Floors are for feet.
6. Use Gentle reminders
When they are said with a smile on your face and without anger, children will usually
turn their behavior around. If we sound angry or threatening, we encourage anger
and defiance. The message to the child is, I don't trust or respect you.
7. Get her attention
Call the child's name and get her attention before giving instructions. For example,
say Clare, and wait until she looks at you, then say Please wash your hands for
lunch now. Sometimes you may need to go to your child and place your hand on his/her
shoulder to get his/ her attention.
To Discipline Effectively, Think About These 5 Ideas:
1. Divert the child's attention from something you don't want him to do or use positive
models to change behavior.
2. Let children settle their own arguments unless there is danger of one of them
being hurt.
3. Be firm about behavior you feel strongly about.
4. Be detached. Imagine you are your child's aunt or uncle.
5. Keep children busy on making choices and knowing for certain that they have to
live with those choices that they don't have time to put their moves on you�
LEARN AND APPLY: Answer the following based on the key learnings
True False
Child-proofing the home spoils the child.
It takes expensive toys to keep a child interested in play.
Rules should never be changed.
Children behave better when parents tell them what
they want them to do rather than saying No, Don't,
and Stop all day long.
Children will swear, yell, and lie if their parents swear, yell, and lie.
Giving a child a choice shows that the parent is too easy on the child.
References
Cherry, Clare. Please Don't Sit On The Kids. Belmont , CA : Pitman Learning, Inc.
1983. Discipline for Young Behaviour Valya Telep, Former Extension Child Specialist
Development, Virginia State University Publication Number 350-113, posted June 1999
© Copyright 2004 Francis Xavior M Dimalanta. May not be reprinted without permission.