Effective ways to raise confidence in your child
Contributed by Asian-Family
Living
Nurturing your child's confidence may seem like a heavy yet a crucial responsibility.
Your child needs confidence so that they can function well in today's society. They
need to be able to stand up for themselves, speak up and be assertive and they need
to be able to ask for help when they need it. Nevertheless, most parents struggle
with the most practical ways to instill a healthy amount of confidence in their
children. Here are some tips on how you can help to boost your child's confidence:
Assure him of unconditional love.
A child's confidence flourishes with the kind of no-strings-attached devotion that
says, 'I love you, no matter who you are or what you do.' Your child benefits the
most when you accept him for who he is regardless of his strengths, difficulties,
temperament, or abilities. So, be generous with your hugs, cuddles, pats, kisses
and love. When you correct your child, remember to make it clear that HE is not
the culprit. Instead, it's his habit or behaviour that needs changing.
For instance, instead of saying, 'I am so angry with you! You are a bad boy!' say,
'Please stop throwing the football in the house. A football is an outside toy. Let's
try rolling this rubber ball'.
Spend time with him.
Try your best to set aside each day where you can give your child
undivided attention. During those periods, share an activity which he enjoys. Read
a book together, play a game of scrabble, or go for a walk in the park. These activities
do not take a long time or involve major preparations. Sometimes, when your child
comes up to you, remember to make direct eye contact so it's obvious that you are
listening attentively.
Be reliable and consistent
Children, no matter how old they are, need to know that they can depend on their
parents or guardians to be consistent. If you have set rules for a specific activity,
be consistent. You may want to try 'time out' which is a cool-off period for pre-schoolers.
When a child is misbehaving or out of control, he or she needs to be removed or
isolated for a few minutes.
Time out can be used with children ages 3 to 12 and with as many children as you
have private places. For young children, however, the time out period needs to be
no longer than 5 minutes or they tend to forget the reason for the time out.
Be generous with praises
Try to find simple reasons to praise your children every day. It could be on a job
well done, or a situation you observe them handling appropriately. Let them know
that you approve, and why. When your child colours a nice picture and is eager to
show it to you, be sure to praise him. But, also be sure to pick out a singular
aspect of the picture to comment on. Instead of the usual 'nice picture', say something
like 'I like how you chose this light blue for the sky'.
Praise should also be realistic and go beyond your acknowledgement of the piece
of art; let the child know that you have paid attention to the details in the picture
as well. With this method of praising, a child's confidence can soar.
Trust
Trust, as we all know, is earned. Parents can and should start building trust with
their children as early as toddler hood. Nothing builds confidence in humans like
trust. Be sure to remain consistent (as mentioned above) when you allow your children
to venture out into new areas. It is not always easy for a parent to feel sure of
their children's abilities, but you can start with small and realistic steps that
are agreed upon and carried out. Each success is the essential ingredient to building
trust between the child and his parent.
Be attentive when he speaks
This may have been mentioned a thousand times but it still holds true - listen to
your child. If your child needs to talk, stop and listen to what he has to say.
He needs to know that his thoughts, feelings, desires, and opinions matter. Help
him get comfortable with his emotions by labeling them. You can show him that you
approve his feelings by saying something like 'I know you must be feeling sad because
you broke your favourite toy.'
By accepting his emotions without judgment, you validate his feelings and show that
you value what he has to say. If you share your own feelings ('I'm worried about
Grandma. She's very sick'), he'll gain confidence in expressing his own.
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This article is contributed by Asian-Family Living, a non-profit social enterprise
set up with the purpose of producing and netcasting live and recorded community
radio talk-shows on the internet. For more information, please visit their website
at www.asian-family.com.
The information provided above is offered as a community service on family related
issues and is not a substitute for individual consultation. Advice on individual
problems should be obtained from your personal physician, counselor or doctor.