How to help your kids fit into a new kindergarten
by Dr Teoh Hsien-Jin & Ms Woo Pei-Jun A child's apprehension about attending
kindergarten usually begins several weeks before they are to attend kindergarten.
To the child, all that matters is that it is an unknown place that they are to go
to, without the company of their parents. It helps at that stage for the parent
to gently introduce the child to the idea, and more importantly encourage them to
begin playing with other children and other adults, without their parents' company.
At this point some children may cry and scream when their parents are not in sight.
Dr Teoh Hsien-Jin, a Consultant Clinical Psychologist, and Ms Woo Pei Jun, a Developmental
Psychologist, are here to discuss the strategies parents could adopt to help their
kids fit into a new kindergarten.
Dr Teoh's studies and work have taken him to Keele University, UK (B.Soc.Sci. Hons),
University of New South Wales (M.Psychol.Clinical) and the University of Western
Australia (Ph.D). His work in the medical field has found him in several hospitals
and service organisations in the UK, Malaysia, and Australia.
Recently, he was Faculty of Medicine Coordinator for the Masters of Clinical Psychology
course at the Hospital Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia. In contributing to the mental
well-being of Malaysians, he was instrumental in the Ministry of Health Mental Health
campaign as National Working Group Coordinator for Children and Principal Investigator
for the Healthy Lifestyle Programme's Mental Health Research (1999-2001). At state
level, his responsibilities have involved training health care and teaching staff
in Penang, Melaka, Selangor, Kuala Lumpur and Sarawak.
His clinical, academic and research interests are on children, families and stress,
of which he has conducted extensive research and presented at numerous conferences
and public forums. In the past, Dr Teoh has also addressed and instructed at the
National Institute for Occupational Health, Malaysian Academy of Medicine, Australian
Red Cross, Sunway Group, MITD, MMI Industries, Likom, Alcom, Maxis, Siemens, Citibank,
National Evangelical Christian Fellowship, Buddhist Gem Society, Rotary International,
Lion's Club, Kiwanis, Malaysian Armed Forces, Bright Start Nutrition, Veterinary
Association and F & N Daries.
Ms Woo has studied and worked in Malaysia and the United States. She obtained her
Bachelors and Masters degrees in Psychology from Ohio State and Boston University,
USA. Her work in the medical field has included attachments with Ohio State University
Hospital and South Bay Mental Health Services, USA.
Her areas of research have involved eating disorders amongst Asians, motivation
of workers, within the field of industrial and social psychology. In addition, she
has also been involved in rehabilitation of patients, motivating students, behavioural
aspects of sales personnel, early intervention programmes for children at risk,
and outreach work for disadvantaged people.
As part of her responsibilities, she has addressed Kindergartens, International
schools, Christian and Buddhist groups, Malaysian Mensa and Maxis on issues related
to children, intelligence and stress. She is also a member of the Malaysian Mental
Health Association. Currently, she is in private practice and has a special interest
in children's development and abilities, developmental delay and intervention programmes.
Lina was worried about her son Jason. Jason is 5 years old and was about to attend
kindergarten for the first time. Not having been to a kindergarten before, and the
thought of having to go to an unfamiliar place, can be quite scary for a young child.
In addition to that, having to talk or play with new kids could add to the fear
of going to kindergarten.
The worries that Lina had about Jason attending a new kindergarten bothers many
parents. Not only do parents worry, so do kindergarten teachers. After all, the
child is also in their care for a large part of the day. Helping children cope with
a new kindergarten thus involves the parents, kindergarten teachers and also the
child.
A child's apprehension about attending kindergarten usually begins several weeks
before they are to attend kindergarten. To the child, all that matters is that it
is an unknown place that they are to go to, without the company of their parents.
It helps at that stage for the parent to gently introduce the child to the idea,
and more importantly encourage them to begin playing with other children and other
adults, without their parents' company. At this point some children may cry and
scream when their parents are not in sight. Two strategies are suggested.
Firstly, the parent could gradually reduce the distance that they are from the child,
and eventually the time that they spend with the child. This could be done quite
subtly, so as to reduce the amount of anxiety in the child. Secondly, whilst this
is done, the other adult who is with the child could begin to talk enthusiastically
to the child, so as to get the child's attention and make the child feel comfortable.
As the child gets used to playing on his own, he needs to be praised and rewarded
for this behaviour.
Nearer the time that the child is to attend kindergarten, the parent would need
to introduce the child to the kindergarten and teachers before classes begin. It
helps at the time to introduce the child to the toys that they can play with, and
talk more about play, rather than 'class teaching'. Sometimes, letting the child
have a snack, or something that they like to eat, is also helpful in making them
more comfortable. Children are generally comforted by food or drink.
It also helps to let the child know who he can go to when he has questions or is
uncertain about something. Involving the child in a role play with dolls and toy,
demonstrates how a typical day in kindergarten would be like. This helps the child
to know what to expect and what to say when he goes to kindergarten.
On the first day of kindergarten, it helps to let your child take a toy with him
to class. Make sure that they are well fed and are not thirsty before they go to
school. If the child is nervous, it is alright to initially say that you will be
waiting outside for them. That way, your child would have the security of knowing
that you are nearby whilst they get to know their classmates. If you are not able
to be around then, letting him know exactly where you will be, where you can be
contacted, and whom to go to when in need helps make life more predictable for your
child. If your child is very shy and nervous, getting another child to keep him
company helps break down the isolation. At the end of the first day at kindergarten,
rewarding the child for going on his own also encourages appropriate behaviour.
There are also potentially some children who may not want to go to kindergarten
because they are over-dependent on their parents. Parents need to be reasonable,
but firm with these children. Protests, and even threats, from the child should
be ignored. However, when the child displays more appropriate behaviour, they should
be quickly rewarded. Research also indicates that if the parents spend at least
30 minutes of quality time on a regular basis, playing with their child, the winging
often decreases.
Later on, if your child is still anxious about going to kindergarten, finding out
what the child does not like about the kindergarten is always helpful. Common problems
include having no friends, being bullied and not understanding the kindergarten
assignments. In all cases these problems need to be discussed with the kindergarten
teacher. Where the problems seem to be quite serious and the child extremely irritable
and distressed, the professional assistance of a Clinical or Developmental Psychologist
needs to be sought.
Children who are generally anxious feel insecure away from familiar people. Often
these children have difficulty making friends. Thus, having friends makes life worth
living for any child. They interact, learn and feel accepted if they have a circle
of friends. As a parent, you may need to teach your child the art of making friends.
They may be shy and not know what to do. Simple skills involve getting them to smile,
greeting their peers, introducing themselves, sharing their food and asking to join
in activities. They also need to be sensitive to their peer's feelings, and are
willing to offer help and comfort when required. In addition, praising their peers
when something nice has been done.
At the end of the day, learning is important and if the child cannot understand
or keep up with studies, they learn to hate kindergarten work. Either special arrangements
can be made with the kindergarten to have tuition to help the child keep up, or
the parent could be guided on how to assist their child at home. In the case of
a learning disability, parents need seek professional help to take steps to ensure
that this is rectified.
Kindergarten life is a central learning event in every child's life. It is an experience
to be remembered and cherished. Thus, both parents and the kindergarten must work
together to make kindergarten life a meaningful experience for the child.